First things first: pause.
Take a deep breath.
Actually, take 2.
Okay. Good.
If you’re reading this because your first EMDR processing session is coming up and your nervous system is doing somersaults, welcome! You’re not weird. You’re not behind. You’re doing something brave… and tbh kind of weird and intimidating, especially if you don’t know what to expect.
So, let’s talk about it. Here’s an inside peak into the processing… process.
You’re Probably More Prepared Than You Think
Before you ever get to processing, you and your therapist have already been doing a lot of work—gathering history, practicing grounding skills, building safety, learning how to regulate when things get intense. That part matters a lot.
If you’re worried you won’t be able to handle processing, here’s a gentle reframe: You already have tools.
Breathing strategies. Containers. A calm or peaceful place. Ways to bring your nervous system back down when it ramps up. EMDR doesn’t work without those skills, and you wouldn’t be here if your therapist didn’t believe you were ready. (I’ll be honest, I won’t do processing with someone I don’t think is ready or doesn’t have the tools. That’s not fun for you, it’s not fun for me, and I avoid doing that for both our sakes.)
How a Processing Session Usually Starts
When processing begins, your therapist will typically try to start earlier in the session so there’s enough time to work and to close things out safely.
First, you’ll choose a target. That might be:
- A recent moment where your reaction felt bigger than the situation
- A memory from childhood or throughout your life
- Or even a behavior you want to change (like urges, compulsions, or patterns that keep showing up)
Before diving in, your therapist will help you get oriented and grounded by:
- Reviewing coping strategies you want to use if things feel intense
- Going over your stop and keep going signals
- Checking in about anything you’re worried might come up
- Talking through what you have going on after session (because EMDR doesn’t exist in a vacuum)
- Choosing your preferred form of bilateral stimulation (eye movements, taps, buzzers, etc.)
- Making sure you feel as safe and supported as possible before starting
This part is collaborative. You’re not being thrown into the deep end without floaties.
The “Info Gathering” Part (I Promise It Has a Purpose)
Once a target is identified, you’ll briefly name:
- The belief connected to the memory
- Emotions that come up
- Sensations in your body
- How distressing it feels right now (SUDs)
- A more adaptive belief you want to believe
- How true that positive belief feels right now (VoC)
Yes, it’s a lot. No, you’re not being graded. No, you don’t have to remember all this, your clinician will take the lead on this. All this helps orient your brain and activate the neural network we’re working with.
So… What Does Processing Actually Feel Like?
Here’s the honest answer: it varies. A lot.
During processing, you’ll focus on the target, the body sensations, and the belief while doing bilateral stimulation. It’s important to let yourself get a little activated—because that’s how the brain knows which neural network needs healing.
After short sets (usually 10–30 seconds), your therapist will pause and ask:
“What do you notice?”
What comes up might include:
- Memories (related or seemingly random)
- Emotions shifting
- Physical sensations changing
- Images, thoughts, or a “movie-like” experience
- Or something that feels hard to put into words
There’s no right way to do this. Your brain takes the path it needs to take.
You’ll give a brief summary of what you noticed, and then—this part surprises people—your therapist might just say, “Go with that.”
That’s not dismissal. That’s trust.
EMDR works best when your brain leads and we don’t over-direct the process.
As Processing Continues…
Over time, you’ll likely notice things start to shift:
- Thoughts feel more balanced or compassionate
- Details of the memory change
- Body sensations ease
- The memory feels more distant or less charged
Clients often describe it as the memory “losing its grip.”
Not necessarily disappearing (though sometimes that happens), but usually the memory no longer feels dangerous.
That’s the work. That’s your nervous system learning, “This is over. I survived.”
What If It Gets Too Intense?
You can slow down or stop at any point.
You are in control the entire time.
Your therapist will also be watching for signs that you’re outside your window of tolerance and will help you regulate if needed. EMDR is not about pushing through at all costs. It’s about staying within what’s tolerable and safe enough.
What if nothing comes up?
Honestly, sometimes that happens!
Our nervous systems have tons of defenses to try and help us stay safe as much as possible and sometimes allowing yourself to revisit these memories feels dangerous to our system so it protects us by going blank. This is NOT a sign that you’re doing something wrong or that you can’t be helped. It’s normal and a sign of a protective nervous system.
We, as clinicians, are prepared for this and are ready to help you get through it!
How the Session Wraps Up
Before you leave, your therapist will help you close out the session by:
- Debriefing what came up
- Reviewing insights or shifts
- Re-grounding your body and nervous system
- Re-checking distress and belief ratings
If things aren’t fully resolved yet, that’s okay. You can come back to the target in future sessions.
You’ll also likely hear this reminder: processing can continue after session ends.
That might mean memories, emotions, or sensations pop up later in the day. Totally normal and something you and your therapist should plan for ahead of time.
The Real Talk Ending
EMDR can be uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s hard. And—it doesn’t stay that way forever.
The more processing you do, the more healing happens. The more your nervous system learns it doesn’t have to live in survival mode anymore.
Stay in communication with your therapist. Say what feels hard. Say what feels helpful. Say when something feels off. This work is collaborative and you don’t have to do it alone.
You’re not broken.
Your brain is doing exactly what it learned to do to survive.
Now it’s learning something new.
You’ve got this.
